Thursday, January 12, 2006

Political Theather or Saturday After-School Special

After viewing some of the insufferably boring Alito hearings today, I think we could do a lot more to improve the viewing quailty and interest in these hearings. First off, I don't know why news casts don't try to score these questioning bouts. Honestly, who can tell who's winning without a running scoreboard in the upper left-hand corner of the TV?

Think of the endless possiblilities. The nominee could get points for clear explanations (think touchdown), fewer points for playing it safe with a disavowal (think field goal), no points for stare decisis (punting), and Senators could get points for forcing the nomiee to speak in contradictions (think turnover + touchdown on the return). At least then people might just be interested enough to watch, maybe even cheer on their favorite point getter. Then rather than this childish voting, we could just set a point threshold, and say, "Well, Sammy, if you manage to score enough points, guess what? You get the job!" It would be so much easier for commentators to break down for us common folk.

In my wildest dreams I hear John Madden, "Look how Sammy hit that hole in Sen. Kennedy's question, Boom! See how Sen. Specter's chop block set him free, Boom! That's how you run with the ball!"

And speaking of point systems, why don't we implement a body just to track standard metrics for all Congressmen? You know, like pork dollars allocated, election money spent, votes taken, votes missed, votes abstained, bills drafted, earmarks added, lobbyist dinners accepted, trips taken, etc... Then Topps could create a deck of politico cards every year with each Congressman's stats on the back. People would collect and trade them, sparking everything from Political Rotessire leagues to debates on whether Congressman caught taking steroids, uh, I mean accepting bribes, should be punished and how they are tarnishing the leagacy of the game.

Wizards of the Coast could even turn it into a card game. Imagine little kids gathering to play Politics rather than Yu-Gi-Oh.

I counter your Ted Kennedy with my Rick Santorum and counter-attack with my Bill Frist.

The media types always complain people are turned off by politics, yet they don't do anything to make it more fun for your average joe. Fact remains, if it ain't fun, no ones plays. So rather than try to beat us over the head about how people should pay attention to politics why not truly make it a game like everything else.


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